Service Dogs Guide - Excellent Blog Post on Friendship Circle

Lana and Limey before beginning their service work

Have you ever thought about getting a service dog to help you or a loved one?  

What about a therapy dog for school or an emotional support companion dog for home?  

Posted 2013/05/23 By Karen in Friendship Circle - Shared by Paws Up

 

Here’s a guide to the different types of service dogs and a few of the organizations that train both dogs and owners.

Service Dogs

The Americans With Disabilities Act (ADA) of 2011 defines service dogs as those trained to do work directly related to a person’s disability.  Emotional support animals and dogs used as crime deterrents are excluded from this definition.  A service dog is expected to accompany a person with a disability at all times.

Over 90% of service dog handlers say that their animals improve their quality of life by assisting with life skills and increasing physical activity and community involvement.   (READ MORE)

About Karen

Karen Wang is a Friendship Circle parent. You may have seen her sneaking into the volunteer lounge for ice cream or being pushed into the cheese pit by laughing children. She is a contributing author to the anthology "My Baby Rides the Short Bus: The Unabashedly Human Experience of Raising Kids With Disabilities"

Dog Fun with Noodles!

Welcome to Paws Up for Fun!

Liz Kulp is Mom's Choice
Gold Award Winning author

My name is Liz and I am here to show you how to have a lot of FUN with your dog even if you don't have very much money. 

My friend, Inara is a Wheaton Terrier and she and her friends are helping me show you how to build your own obstacle courses and equipment with things you have around the house or can get for under $10.00. Then we will show you how to use them in lots of ways to build a 
"fur-ever" relationship with your fur friends.

Inara has all kinds of ideas to help us out...
Here she is with her baskets for the shelters.
She used coupons and clearance and the Dollar Store
to give six Rescue Groups a better holiday!!!

Let's get started . . .

Inara and her Oodles of Noodles with silly old poodles are waiting!

Click for Lesson One
Use Your Noodle Dog Fun - Plunger Poles

Trust - Safety - I did it!

It's not what one can't do that matters it is what I can do

Click Here For Our Past 60 Links for a Great Fetal Alcohol Awareness Day!

Follow us through the next 60 days and plan your local or personal project to build awareness of fetal alcohol spectrum disorder - Each One Can Reach One!

Need family support visit www.toolboxparent.com

Need ideas for adults living with challenges of FASD visit www.braidedcord.net

Need information on fetal alcohol spectrum disorders visit www.betterendings.org

Interested in service dog for FASD visit www.thechancerchronicles.com

$20.00 Off Spring Dog Training Special at PETCO Brooklyn Park

$20.00 off Spring Dog Training. Need a refresher - come join us for fun times.

Learn more about

• AKC Start Puppy Classes
• AKC Canine Good Citizen Classes 
• Bite Prevention - Understanding your dog

We also have great classes

• Fun with Fur Friend Retired Folk Classes
• Fun with Fur Friends Classes for Veterans
• Shy Dogs
• Misunderstood Bully Breeds

We also offer FREE Puppy Socialization

• Classes start at age 8 weeks if they have first set of vaccinations

Here is our autograph book for our store. If you've trained with Brooklyn Park PETCO come on in and write us a note to let people know you had a good time! We appreciate you business.

Click here to view this photo book larger

Turn your favorite photos into a photo book at Shutterfly.com.

AKC Star Puppy - "STAR"ting off on the right paws

20 STEPS To Success: 

The AKC S.T.A.R. Puppy® TEST

S ocialization Training A ctivity R esponsibility

7 OWNER BEHAVIORS:

1. Maintains puppy’s health (vaccines, exams, appears healthy)
2. Owner receives Responsible Dog Owner’s Pledge 
3. Owner describes adequate daily play and exercise plan 
4. Owner and puppy attend at least 6 classes by an AKC
5. Approved CGC Evaluator 
6. Owner brings bags to classes for cleaning up after puppy 
7. Owner has obtained some form of ID for puppy-collar tag, etc.

5 PUPPY BEHAVIORS:

1. Free of aggression toward people during at least 6 weeks of class
2. Free of aggression toward other puppies in class 
3. Tolerates collar or body harness of owner’s choice 
4. Owner can hug or hold puppy (depending on size) 
5. Puppy allows owner to take away a treat or toy

9 PRE-CANINE GOOD CITIZEN® TEST BEHAVIORS

1. Allows (in any position) petting by a person other than the owner
2. Grooming-Allows owner handling and brief exam (ears, feet)
3. Walks on a Leash-Follows owner on lead in a straight line (15 steps)
4. Walks by other people-Walks on leash past other people 5-ft away
5. Sits on command-Owner may use a food lure 
6. Down on command-Owner may use a food lure 
7. Comes to owner from 5-ft when name is called 
8. Reaction to Distractions-distractions are presented 15-ft away
9. Stay on leash with another person *(owner walks away 15 steps)

Join us at PETCO - Brooklyn Park and get your puppy STARted!!!

Fun classes for the entire family.

Canine Good Citizen Test - What should I expect from my dog?

Get Your First Dog Title
with AKC Canine Good Citizen

As of January 1, 2013, Canine Good Citizen® became an official AKC title thatcan appear on the title records of dogs registered or listed with AKC. Dog ownersmay list the suffix, “CGC” after the dog’s name.Since the program began in 1989, CGC has been considered an “award,”meaningthat it has not been listed on a dog’s title record.

Order Canine Good Citizen Book
or get FREE Canine Good Citizen Participant Guide 
 

View an actual test.
Then come to our classes to get your dog ready.

AKC’s Canine Good Citizen® (CGC)

Before taking the Canine Good Citizen test, owners will sign the Responsible Dog Owners Pledge. 

We believe that responsible dog ownership is a key part of the CGC concept and by signing the pledge, owners agree to take care of their dog's health needs, safety, exercise, training and quality of life. Owners also agree to show responsibility by doing things such as cleaning up after their dogs in public places and never letting dogs infringe on the rights of others.

After signing the Responsible Dog Owners Pledge, owners and their dogs are ready to take the CGC  Test.

10 Items on the Canine Good Citizen Test include:

1. Accepting a friendly stranger This test demonstrates that the dog will allow a friendly stranger to approach it and speak to the handler in a natural, everyday situation. The evaluator walks up to the dog and handler and greets the handler in a friendly manner, ignoring the dog. The evaluator and handler shake hands and exchange pleasantries. The dog must show no sign of resentment or shyness, and must not break position or try to go to the evaluator.
2. Sitting politely for petting This test demonstrates that the dog will allow a friendly stranger to touch it while it is out with its handler. With the dog sitting at the handler's side, to begin the exercise, the evaluator pets the dog on the head and body. The handler may talk to his or her dog throughout the exercise. The dog may stand in place as it is petted. The dog must not show shyness or resentment.
3. Appearance and grooming This practical test demonstrates that the dog will welcome being groomed and examined and will permit someone, such as a veterinarian, groomer or friend of the owner, to do so. It also demonstrates the owner's care, concern and sense of responsibility. The evaluator inspects the dog to determine if it is clean and groomed. The dog must appear to be in healthy condition (i.e., proper weight, clean, healthy and alert). The handler should supply the comb or brush commonly used on the dog. The evaluator then softly combs or brushes the dog, and in a natural manner, lightly examines the ears and gently picks up each front foot. It is not necessary for the dog to hold a specific position during the examination, and the handler may talk to the dog, praise it and give encouragement throughout.
4. Out for a walk (walking on a loose lead) This test demonstrates that the handler is in control of the dog. The dog may be on either side of the handler. The dog's position should leave no doubt that the dog is attentive to the handler and is responding to the handler's movements and changes of direction. The dog need not be perfectly aligned with the handler and need not sit when the handler stops. The evaluator may use a pre-plotted course or may direct the handler/dog team by issuing instructions or commands. In either case, there should be a right turn, left turn, and an about turn with at least one stop in between and another at the end. The handler may talk to the dog along the way, praise the dog, or give commands in a normal tone of voice. The handler may sit the dog at the halts if desired.
5. Walking through a crowd This test demonstrates that the dog can move about politely in pedestrian traffic and is under control in public places. The dog and handler walk around and pass close to several people (at least three). The dog may show some interest in the strangers but should continue to walk with the handler, without evidence of over-exuberance, shyness or resentment. The handler may talk to the dog and encourage or praise the dog throughout the test. The dog should not jump on people in the crowd or strain on the leash.
6. Sit and down on command and Staying in place This test demonstrates that the dog has training, will respond to the handler's commands to sit and down and will remain in the place commanded by the handler (sit or down position, whichever the handler prefers). The dog must do sit AND down on command, then the owner chooses the position for leaving the dog in the stay. Prior to this test, the dog's leash is replaced with a line 20 feet long. The handler may take a reasonable amount of time and use more than one command to get the dog to sit and then down. The evaluator must determine if the dog has responded to the handler's commands. The handler may not force the dog into position but may touch the dog to offer gentle guidance. When instructed by the evaluator, the handler tells the dog to stay and walks forward the length of the line, turns and returns to the dog at a natural pace. The dog must remain in the place in which it was left (it may change position) until the evaluator instructs the handler to release the dog. The dog may be released from the front or the side.
7. Coming when called This test demonstrates that the dog will come when called by the handler. The handler will walk 10 feet from the dog, turn to face the dog, and call the dog. The handler may use encouragement to get the dog to come. Handlers may choose to tell dogs to "stay" or "wait" or they may simply walk away, giving no instructions to the dog.
8. Reaction to another dog This test demonstrates that the dog can behave politely around other dogs. Two handlers and their dogs approach each other from a distance of about 20 feet, stop, shake hands and exchange pleasantries, and continue on for about 10 feet. The dogs should show no more than casual interest in each other. Neither dog should go to the other dog or its handler.
9. Reaction to distraction This test demonstrates that the dog is confident at all times when faced with common distracting situations. The evaluator will select and present two distractions. Examples of distractions include dropping a chair, rolling a crate dolly past the dog, having a jogger run in front of the dog, or dropping a crutch or cane. The dog may express natural interest and curiosity and/or may appear slightly startled but should not panic, try to run away, show aggressiveness, or bark. The handler may talk to the dog and encourage or praise it throughout the exercise.
10. Supervised separation This test demonstrates that a dog can be left with a trusted person, if necessary, and will maintain training and good manners. Evaluators are encouraged to say something like, "Would you like me to watch your dog?" and then take hold of the dog's leash. The owner will go out of sight for three minutes. The dog does not have to stay in position but should not continually bark, whine, or pace unnecessarily, or show anything stronger than mild agitation or nervousness. Evaluators may talk to the dog but should not engage in excessive talking, petting, or management attempts (e.g, "there, there, it's alright").

Equipment

OWNER TO BRING

• All tests must be performed on leash (that is not a retractable!). 
• For collars, dogs should wear well-fitting buckle or slip collars made of leather, fabric, or chain. Special training collars such as pinch collars, head halters, and electronic collars are not permitted in the CGC test. We recognize that special training collars such as head collars and no-jump harnesses may be very useful tools for beginning dog trainers, however, we feel that dogs are ready to take the CGC test at the point at which they are transitioned to equipment that allows the evaluator to see that the dog has been trained.
• Body harnesses may be used in the CGC test. The evaluator should check to make sure the harness is not of a type that completely restricts the dog's movement such that it could not pull or jump up if it tried. 
• Brush or comb

EVALUATOR PROVIDES

• The evaluator supplies a 20-foot lead for the test. 

Encouragement IS Permitted

• Owners/handlers may use praise and encouragement throughout the test. 
• The owner may pet the dog between exercises. 

Not Permitted for the CGC Test

• Food and treats are not permitted during testing, nor is the use of toys, squeaky toys, etc. to get the dog to do something. We recognize that food and toys may provide valuable reinforcement or encouragement during the training process but these items should not be used during the test. 

Failures – Dismissals

• Any dog that eliminates during testing must be marked failed. The only exception to this rule is that elimination is allowable in test Item 10, but only when test Item 10 is held outdoors.
• Any dog that growls, snaps, bites, attacks, or attempts to attack a person or another dog is not a good citizen and must be dismissed from the test.

 Join us at PETCO - Brooklyn Park for your Dog's First Title!

Bite Prevention - Help to Understand Your Dog

Dog Gone Safe and
Endless Paw Agilities 

help you...

Understand Your Dog

• An anxious dog might show a half moon of white in his eye or he may lick his lips or yawn. He may turn his head away or walk away. He wants to be left alone.
• A dog that suddenly goes stiff and still is very dangerous and might be ready to bite.
• A happy dog pants and wags his tail loosely. He may wag all over.
• A dog with his mouth closed and ears forward and/or with his tail held high is busy thinking about something and does not want to be bothered.

Check to see if you KNOW what your dog is thinking... 

• Green border - dog says "it's okay."
  (as long there is suitable adult supervision/permission)
• Red border - dog says "stay away!"
  (even if it is your own dog or handler says it is OK to pet him)

Clipper is happy
Clipper doesn't want to share

Lola is telling you to stay away
Lola is happy

Shelby is calm and happy
Shelby is worried

Cricket is happy
Cricket is interested

Trevor is alert
Trevor is relaxed

Sam is alert to danger
Sam is happy

Kona is worried
Kona is happy

Lily is happy
Lily and her friends don't
want to share the couch

Blucher is happy
Blucher is worried

Jack is telling you to stay away
Jack is calm and happy

Savannah is happy
Savannah is telling you to stay away

Jubilee is happy
Jubilee is alert to danger

Bear is afraid
Bear is happy

Don't Miss Seeing These Stress Signals
at Liam J. Perk Foundation

FOR A FREE POSTER CLICK ABOVE

A dog does not need to
be vicious to bite.
All dogs have the capability of biting.
They will if they want to and
there is absolutely nothing you can do to stop it when it happens. 

Dogs can bite in .025 seconds. 

That's what people need to know.

 Help us prevent dog bites by learning your dog's signals. Dogs have feelings and emotions.  Sometimes just like you they don't want to be bothered. 

The same dog will have many signals that are called body language—some say "it's okay" and some say "stay away!"

Order the Dog Gone Crazy Bite Prevention Game!

 

Jodee Kulp, ABCDT has been a proud member of DogGone Safe Since 2009 

 This blog has been provided through the efforts of Better Endings New Beginnings

Dog Talk - Whining

What is my dog saying to me?

The Knarlwood's poodle pack - Bonnie, Lana, Mak & Pinky - bark out a doggie tip to better your relationship with your furry pal.

Bonnie, a red standard poodle asks:

"Why do I need to learn PeopleSpeak when most humans don't understand DogSpeak."

Jodee Kulp,
author and certified dog trainer answers with a stretch:

"That's a good question Bonnie, dogs seem to be at a verbal disadvantage when it comes to spoken language. Body language and canine actions definitely speak louder than whines, howls, barks, and growls we humans hear."

"My noises are as important as words. They can be loud or soft, high or low. My sounds mean different things just like your words and when I mix them with body behaviors humans can learn what I am trying to communicate. Dog whines are a good example."

"Whines?"

"Of course, whines express my emotions. When I whine I may be scared, upset, in pain, needy or having a great time."

"Tell me more about whining, Bonnie."

"I whined, cried and quit eating when my best dog friend died. That was my I feel really hurt and sad whine. I whined when my human got hurt and pulled on my human dad's sleeve. That was my I'm scared and I need more help whine. And I whined when I hurt my leg. But, not all my whines are when I am scared, upset or in pain."

"They aren't?"

"Nope, if I REALLY have to go potty I might jump around, whine and give my human some nose pokes. That means I need something really bad and I know it is not polite, but sometimes I even whine for a treat or when want to play."

"Yes, you do, are there more kinds of whines?"

"Well, I purr-whine and groan when my human rubs my belly or Mak kisses or bites me on my neck in the morning. And our pack's favorite whine is a whine-howl when the police and ambulance drive by our house. Mak sings bass, Mama (that's me) sings tenor and Pinky and Lana join right in with alto and saprano. We make quite the neighborhood chorus. It is such fun! Most of us dogs just want to please our pet parents. Whining dogs are not bad dogs, they are dogs with needs."

"That's interesting, thank you, Bonnie. Next time maybe you can educate us on Barking."

Rally - Putting Your Best Foot Forward

Here is a great training video on Rally foot work - let's get our class off on the right paws....

Dog Safety - Pitbull Blues - No Jumping for Joy!

Four on the Floor Saves Lives

In memory of Hemi - 7/16/2010 Euthanized

Song - PitBull Blues by John Shipe

I only had the chance to work with Hemi one time - he was a gentle, fun and fast learner. Friendly. Exuberant.

Two days after his first class his 'very friendly' jumped on a six-year-old with splayed paws, scratched her face requiring stitches and cost Hemi his life at Animal Control.

Dog Safety - Don't Lose your Dog Friend

Lost Dog?

A sweet girl joined our household for  a moment, we hope. Karl and I found her wandering on the highway and brought her home and spent the rest of the day - posting, visiting police, and letting people know about "good girl". Without tags we don't even have a name to call her.

"I am a sweet loving family member without a voice to tell anyone who I am or where I live. Please make sure you tagged your pets to help people who help your animals find their way home."

NO MICRO CHIP - NO NAME TAGS

Ideas to help find a lost dog.

1. Make sure your pet has identification - PET'S NAME, PHONE, CITY
2. Keep a current PET ID form in your car with a picture of you pet and yourself to prove identity
3. Make a poster of your pet and post in local areas - launder mat, near stop signs
4. Contact local animal shelters, police, veterinarians and drop off your poster
5. Post on social media to friends, neighbors and family
6. Pet Amber Alert - Yes it really does exist.
7. When you find you pet call and thank the people who helped you.

Dog Wisdom - Rocky - A Wrinkle In Time

I need a signal of first response to stress - something the family can pick up on too!

Rocky's entrance on week two was quite different from the previous Thursday, my CGC students still wanted to stay and support this effort. First to learn from the experience, second to have the opportunity to work on skills and friendships. Rocky saw me and wagged his tail. He sat as he came in, we returned to the weaving course and played "follow the trainer." The father now clicking at moments of calm control and was now able to walk in aisles with me coming up to say hello.

We moved to a quiet area 25 feet from my neutral dog families. Rocky's stress level increased and I realized the first sign was a subtle wrinkling on the top of his head. If his head muscles drew tight - we were already to level two. Rocky was showing us his first level reaction by the subtle pulsing. Having access to a quiet signal from the top down was valuable for the family. We worked to create the calm before the brain storm. This time I took Rocky for his walk - 20 feet from the neutral dogs (in a penned area) - the method of walking was the same as the weaves, but without the distraction object bowls. Within three rounds he was watching me and waiting for the click instead of reacting. I was beginning to get a relaxtion response. I handed the lead to the father and we played "follow the trainer" around the same paths, by now the CGC canines were playing in their area and ignoring the activity. We always ended in our safe quiet place - sometimes working on sits, downs and lots of relaxtion clicks and treats.

Mom, asked to handle Rocky and we played the first "follow the trainer" and then she walked alone. Note the first timing of the game is fast and as we work toward relaxtion we mix up the walk timing - slower, normal, fast. By now Rocky is walking quickly 12 feet from the other dogs (behind penned area). We end the stress work and move back to the fun weave game in the back of the training area.

Rocky leaves with no reheasals. We have had 8 outbursts.

Dog Wisdom - Rocky - Hope Instead of Fear Aggression

The dogs with the most complex behaviors provide me the most wisdom.

Rocky joined my private sessions snarling as he came into my training environment - a 95 lb pitbull whose next stop was death. "How can I trust this gentle dog with my 7 year old and family? He is mild and sweet in our home. Yet, he is like Jeckle and Hyde when he sees another dog. Can you do something?"

I offered they bring him in from the car. Two CGC (canine good citizen) students volunteered to remain in the area chatting and working with their dogs while I worked with Rocky (50 ft distance, but still scent able and out of sight)

The family purchased a 15 minute 'test drive the trainer 'session. They were right. He entered as a pulling, snarking pit bull. With my pocket full of treats and a clicker to mark calm, I greeted them giving rocky my distance and the family unit a warm welcome. (Note my greeting was not a direct approach but friendly human hellos and canine calming signals as I wove to greet them)

Rocky was curious at this strange human walking, head turning, lip licking behavior - He licked his lips, sat down, turned his head to the side and then faced me with a tilted head. I clicked - he tilted his head the other way looking at me. At ten feet, I did not approach further, the family was loaded up with treats and we talked about "walking in a friendly manner." I asked the father if he had control, he did and I asked for a leadership stand, respectful (firm, kind) voice with a "Let's Go." And we walked as I drew closer chatting with the family we went to a quiet area where I set up a serpentine course with distractions (4 upside down food dishes) to weave through. We spent the next minutes playing following the leader as I made encouraging sounds walking in front of the weaves - the game was fun, fast and controlled. The dog looking between trainer and father for advice.
At the end of each course we moved to a quiet place, Rocky sat where we worked on calm response - handlers given stills in attention, and positive training techniques using clicker - observance, click, treat. We practiced this in multiple areas and then played "weave with the trainer" again. In addition, I removed myself to pet and get dog licks from my two neutral dogs, returning with scent. Rocky was having fun in a stressful environment, under control and happy. We ended the session with a "no rehearsal of bad behaviors".

Come on Rocky, Let's get into the car. With out a peep tail wagging he walked out. End of session one. We had a LONG way to go, but I believed the dog was workable and not ready to be put down. We would work 30 minutes a week for eight weeks. I committed to teach, the family committed to work with Rocky in learning.
What was interesting is the response from my two neutral dogs in the CGC. When Rocky first snarked, both dogs bristled on guard (they were 50 feet away) and both dogs wanted to go toward Rocky and not retreat. The handlers of the two CGC students allowed their dogs to play.
No rehearsal on exit. 25 reactions in 15 minutes.

Dog Wisdom - Seven Steps To Learning

How a dog set us on the path of Live Abilities
and Paws Up for Fun Times

In 2006, Sir Makone of Knarlwoods joined our home, all fifty empty brained pounds packed into still to grow folded skin. He was already the size of Bonnie our two-year-old standard poodle. Beki, our sixteen year old had died five days earlier and Bonnie had not eaten since her death, refused to ride in the car that never returned her mother and moped around the house trying to fit into her role as the only dog critter. Her bones protruded from her skin and her bounce and light faded. I understood. Those feelings were the very reason she had originally joined our home.

Bonnie had arrived two years ago as Liz, eighteen and full of the wonder of the world ventured off into adulthood carrying the burden of FASDs and the belief that “when you’re eighteen you can do anything ‘you’ want.” Watching her transverse chasms and be drawn into trauma, I needed something to hang onto as both my daughter and the old dog she left behind skittered close to death.

My sweet beautiful puppy, Bonnie, brought into our home of sadness and worry,  the joy and laughter of puppy antics. Bonnie became a sanctuary for me when Liz fell repeatedly into difficult life experiences, her fur was often soaked in oodles of my tears as she had licked the salty water off my cheeks and cheered me on with a dog idea to make me feel better.

I claimed and trained her with the same neuro skills Liz had taught me to help her brain grow while our old girl Beki claimed the little ragamuffin as her puppy and taught her dog manners. She was a faster learner than I and a good teacher. She moved me into positive dog training and advanced skills of dog learning. We had all survived Liz's treacherous journey and learned much – Bonnie could play the piano with her nose and Liz could ride the metro from one side of the city to another without getting lost or picking up a “friend” who needed a place to stay. Timid Bonnie had learned to meet and greet strangers in polite doggie style and Liz had learned to keep her home a private place of refuge. I had learned that the five year brain training program we had set up for Liz didn’t stop her need to explore the world filled with coldness and stress and miscommunication and human predators. Her need for self-experience to find herself and understand the limits her brain injury placed on her was a journey she had to make on her own without the controls and structure and safety we had provided.

To see Bonnie, now almost a big dog pining for her adopted mother broke my heart.

Enter Makone “Mak” was as I wrote this initially in 2006 was peacefully sleeping by my feet I typed in my up”stairs” office. Two days prior—at nine months old he had no idea how to navigate any of our steps. He was afraid of the steps to the kennel and the steps to the car and the steps to the studio and the steps to the basement. Some were carpeted and some were yellow wood and some were brown wood and some were concrete and some were painted white. But—they were all steps – simple steps. Mak came to teach Karl and I that each step is a new learning experience and each step is different. He came to remind us that his heart wants to do each step but sometimes his mind doesn’t know how. He came at that moment to show us that some steps he could go up and some steps he could go down, but some steps he wasn’t ready to touch at all.

Maybe someday, maybe someday when he is a big dog. In hindsight, our daughter's life transition in the college of hard knocks lacked the beginning steps—more steps than we ever imagined necessary.

Karl and I learned as much as Liz grew. Looking back, we now can reflect that Mak came to teach Karl and I that very important lesson for our daughter who was just beginning to settle into her home of safety and sanctuary. Mak came to teach us that even though he looked full grown he was a baby and babies need a lot of love and guidance to grow. With Mak we expected accidents and piddles along the way as he plodded curiously and innocently into each life experience.

Mak backs up and spreads his gangly feet in all directions to protect himself from each new steps – Liz in her own way does the same - she loves and hates learning.

Mak came to remind us that just as we had taught Liz in our home, we needed to move to teaching her out-of-our home with the same love, compassion and expectations – step by tiny step finally gradually handing her our controls and respecting that they can become her controls.

Today we implement a seven-step process in exploring or teaching her a new skill.
1. REVIEW - We review the options of how to teach so we have a backup plan. We make the initial calls, visit the site and discover the details.
2. WATCH We tell Liz what she is going to learn and take her through the process to accomplish the task. In this first step she is the observant participant with us – we do not require learning.
3. WATCH-EXPERIENCE We repeat the experience with her contributing pieces of the learned task.
4. EXPERIENCE – WATCH We repeat the experience with her contributing more pieces of the learned task and we begin to step away.
5. EXPERIENCE – SHOW – She tells me what to do and I laugh and become a partner in “her” learning.
6. SHOW – LET GO – She shows me as I watch and then let go.
7. I CAN – She skillfully and a bit fearfully completes the process, while I sit in a parking lot waiting or stay close to the phone to guide. I Can, can take a while and when learning is mastered we move on to the Next Step in our adult journey.

For a while we will keep Mak leashed to our side because he does not have the skills to be independent and unknowingly could be injured or killed.

We keep Liz tethered to us with the line of love - the same line of love that invited us to a homemade turkey dinner, with gravy and mash potatoes, stuffing and cornbread. I stopped by to demonstrate getting the neck out of the turkey and putting the big bird in the oven. I left her to do the rest herself. I came back to read the recipe for stuffing to her, while she prepared it herself and I demonstrated cooking the giblets. Then Karl and Bonnie arrived to join her and her boyfriend at her “own table” in her “own kitchen.” Her Christmas tree glowed red and green and white in an organized living room. It had been a long journey to get to this place and the journey will continue.

Mak came to remind us of the management of that journey – kindness, compassion, clear simple direction – and only one step at a time.

A Gift from an Otter

Poor old angry bear,

Torn and tattered,
banged-up head,

Knocking on brick walls again.

Rest, my bear friend,
The otters are here,
clinging,

So you can float free
For just a short while.
Grab the hand of that small one fuzzy bear,

The one you have hugged so often,
Hug her again, so she too can rest.

We will hold you up,
We will hold you both.

Otter Cynthia

Bear in Mind

The bear is back in my mind
a grizzly wrizzly izzly bear
with a flurry of surly wurly feelings

that want to grow
and growl
and snarl
but they can't
because there is nothing
and nowhere to place
the snarly warly barring teeth
feelings so real.

I have no fairy wand to wave to make life better
- to change what has been done to 45,000 children a year in this country.

Under the hearts of those who may say they love them.

I want to shout loud and clear that

DRINKING
while pregnant must stop
and . . .
that the person you are growing matters.

That this person matters to me
and to ther others who will love
and care
and hold the little he or she.

The bear is back in my mind as I remember when you came
so small,
with arms so thin and legs
so small
you were 'bearly' a northing at all

except a very big voice.

Bear in mind -
A growling raging voice proclaiming your incidious beginning.
And not yet half a year you vomited every thing you tried to eat
until we found the special foods so you could survive.

And the mama bear in my mind went looking for answers
to help you live
and grow.
And you did.

Bear in mind -
A growling raging voice proclaiming you could not be touched
or held
or cuddled

and I wanted
a snuggly
wuggly
buggly child
who I could hold

- and so the mama bear in me found ways to enjoy you
and realize that you loved the best you could

- until we learned about how your body worked
and the sensory issues at twelve

- how could a mother not know or doctors or others so educated
- the bear in mind was there searching
- but not finding
- asking with no answers because I did not have the right questions.

Bear in mind -
A growling raging voice proclaiming that fun things to do
were too intense and yet you my child were the most intense of all

- and I learned to calm and quiet all the grizzly voices in my mind
and not add energy to energy so you could learn
and grow
and go
and do like other children

- and you grew into a giving, loving, forgiving child
woven with the grizzly bears of your mind
we did not understand.

Alien in a world I understood that could not understand you.
With media and advertisement undermining all we said
- because they knew
and we didn't
and they were the truth.

Oh the bear in my mind wants to pound my chest
and more than growl.

Do bears roar?

Bear in mind -
You grew
and you grew
and you grew away
because
we were not who you wanted to be
- could be
- would be

The bears in our minds no longer be silent
- pushing each other away
with our snarls
and growls
and stares.

We were not the MTV family
or the Bratz
or the Glamour girls

- we were happy in our litle den
with our close friends
doing close friend things

- while you my little cub needed to run and explore what you believed was pots of honey at ends of rainbows that did not exist except in the media of music and video.

The bear in my mind watched as you worked your way through your imagination
of Truth with brain injury caused by alcohol to the unborn
- 100% preventable -

I asked my child what happens
when you go around the same tree over
and over

and in her wisdom she shared.
"I fall down like a nut."

I smile.
I laugh.
And I know there is hope.

Bear in mind -

I hope you have come to the end of yourself dear little baby bear
- your spirit still intact
- so that it can change the course of history for others
- you my child are one
- only one of many
- too many
- 45,000 a year too many.

The bear in my mind wants to hybernate
- to go away and sleep it all off as a bad dream but there must be no hybernation
- we mother and father bears must remain awake.

We must embrace the voices of those
45,000 a year
450,000 in ten years

- we must stand together with all our bears in our minds
and change the course of
time.

AUTUMN COLORS OF FETAL ALCOHOL

With the weather changing
they wear fall colors
in heaven. . . .

a bright orange and warm sweatshirt. . .
a pair of bright orange and warm pants . . .

plodding in slipper
- leaving behind the stupor
laughing with renewed acquaintances
who come
and go
when it gets cold

warm food
- clean sheets
- a shower
for 72 hours a piece of heaven.

I watch my daughter and wonder
- did you decide to come as you say to protect yourself from yourself and the streets and the bus ride home or were you transported
- like so many others.

There is a shipment tomorrow
- some will leave the state hospital awaits its new guests
- guests with thin upper lips and ears not quite right
- guests with beautiful smiles and innocent laughs
- my daughter is the youngest
- most are in for the first cold snap
- Minnesota is hard on the homeless
- those who lost their battle to alcohol before they were born.

I look at the faces
- the placement of the eyes
- once innocent now filled with street pain.
I look at the scars and gashes and nashes of white streaks
on dark skin and dark streaks on white skin
- scars have no mercy
- they remain.

Most are older
- perhaps many have children
- how many children
- it is easy to make a child

when you are lonely.
when you are scared.
when you are hurt.

It is easy to confuse sex with love.

It is easy to hurt a child when you don't understand.
Understanding.

I understand that my daughter is struggling with deep pain as she says hello to people she
met three years ago. She is not afraid of these people
- I have walked with her as before in odd times and odd places
as she recognizes a friendly face

- She says hello
- at a clinic or a store
- or perhaps the back alley on the way into church.

Had it really been three years since she came up the grey elevator to heaven
- for some people
- life on earth is a hellish struggle
- yet they laugh
- and smile here.

For a blink they are safe and warm and clean and the people who work here are good.

Her birth father told her he looks forward to the safety of heaven -

She talked to him this time
- to let him know she was his daughter
no not yet? will he believe it is really she here
the daughter he gave away.

- Perhaps it matters less now.
She knows and understands.
in the span of three years his mind has gone further away
and now once again he is safe
within the structure
and the rules
and the walls

within the boundaries of the orange clothes
and the grey elevator.

Hidden inside the tan building
- surrounded by trees turning orange for autumn - - -

the hopeless who pray to turn orange
before the frozen truth is exposed.

Who dare explore this truth.
Are we smart enough to seek answers.

My daughter smiles her beautiful smile.

Tomorrow her social worker will pick her up.
It will be time to go. . . .

Where?

when you are lonely.
when you are scared.

Where?