The bear is back in my mind
a grizzly wrizzly izzly bear
with a flurry of surly wurly feelings
that want to grow
and growl
and snarl
but they can't
because there is nothing
and nowhere to place
the snarly warly barring teeth
feelings so real.
I have no fairy wand to wave to make life better
- to change what has been done to 45,000 children a year in this country.
Under the hearts of those who may say they love them.
I want to shout loud and clear that
DRINKING
while pregnant must stop
and . . .
that the person you are growing matters.
That this person matters to me
and to ther others who will love
and care
and hold the little he or she.
The bear is back in my mind as I remember when you came
so small,
with arms so thin and legs
so small
you were 'bearly' a northing at all
except a very big voice.
Bear in mind -
A growling raging voice proclaiming your incidious beginning.
And not yet half a year you vomited every thing you tried to eat
until we found the special foods so you could survive.
And the mama bear in my mind went looking for answers
to help you live
and grow.
And you did.
Bear in mind -
A growling raging voice proclaiming you could not be touched
or held
or cuddled
and I wanted
a snuggly
wuggly
buggly child
who I could hold
- and so the mama bear in me found ways to enjoy you
and realize that you loved the best you could
- until we learned about how your body worked
and the sensory issues at twelve
- how could a mother not know or doctors or others so educated
- the bear in mind was there searching
- but not finding
- asking with no answers because I did not have the right questions.
Bear in mind -
A growling raging voice proclaiming that fun things to do
were too intense and yet you my child were the most intense of all
- and I learned to calm and quiet all the grizzly voices in my mind
and not add energy to energy so you could learn
and grow
and go
and do like other children
- and you grew into a giving, loving, forgiving child
woven with the grizzly bears of your mind
we did not understand.
Alien in a world I understood that could not understand you.
With media and advertisement undermining all we said
- because they knew
and we didn't
and they were the truth.
Oh the bear in my mind wants to pound my chest
and more than growl.
Do bears roar?
Bear in mind -
You grew
and you grew
and you grew away
because
we were not who you wanted to be
- could be
- would be
The bears in our minds no longer be silent
- pushing each other away
with our snarls
and growls
and stares.
We were not the MTV family
or the Bratz
or the Glamour girls
- we were happy in our litle den
with our close friends
doing close friend things
- while you my little cub needed to run and explore what you believed was pots of honey at ends of rainbows that did not exist except in the media of music and video.
The bear in my mind watched as you worked your way through your imagination
of Truth with brain injury caused by alcohol to the unborn
- 100% preventable -
I asked my child what happens
when you go around the same tree over
and over
and in her wisdom she shared.
"I fall down like a nut."
I smile.
I laugh.
And I know there is hope.
Bear in mind -
I hope you have come to the end of yourself dear little baby bear
- your spirit still intact
- so that it can change the course of history for others
- you my child are one
- only one of many
- too many
- 45,000 a year too many.
The bear in my mind wants to hybernate
- to go away and sleep it all off as a bad dream but there must be no hybernation
- we mother and father bears must remain awake.
We must embrace the voices of those
45,000 a year
450,000 in ten years
- we must stand together with all our bears in our minds
and change the course of
time.
